Wednesday, January 23, 2019

My Present....

As I stand over my sink, washing dishes from last nights dinner, I start to feel my eyes water. My little diva Gabby started biting on my husbands Play Station 4 charger, and I told her, "no,  no!" She then preceded to charge towards me with her hand raised as if to hit me. Now this is definitely not the first time she has done this. My response, "don't you dare little girl!" I think that expression on my face frightened her because she immediately started crying uncontrollably. My heart literally hurt. I never wanted my children to be afraid of me. But, then I felt two little arms wrap around my leg. It was Gabby. This is the norm in our household. One minute she's screaming in a massive tantrum, and the next she's being the sweetest little girl she can be. My other daughter Miss Adela, goes up to her sister, and literally mushes her face in passing as if to say, "shut up, and get the hell out of my way!" Yeah, my daughters are definitely not your typical twins that we all watch on YouTube and Facebook where they're hugging and loving on each other. Nope. Adela has NEVER shown her sister an ounce of affection in their 2 1/2 years on this planet. Now back to why I was on the verge of tears. I sometimes feel like I am wearing so many different hats throughout the day, that I am trying so hard to do EVERYTING perfectly, that I am doing everything at a very mediocre level. There's never enough hours in the day to get everything done. This guilt creeps over me from time to time, and I suddenly feel this sense of intense overwhelm, and isolation. Can any of you relate? I want to my children to be advanced academically, socially, and in every other aspect of their development. The reality...both of my girls still vocabulary is still not up to where it needs to be, while Gabby is a social butterfly, Adela pushes her older brother every time he tries to come near her, (not the most affectionate), they both live to bite on everything, extension cords, chairs, zippers, you name it, and they both scream and cry uncontrollably when they want to let me know that they're hungry or thirsty. But you know what I've realized, Gabby knows ALL 26 letters in the alphabet, and can count to 20, and Adela, whenever I point and ask her which shape and color is which, she almost always chooses the correct one. They both love to dance, and watch their brother do, well everything, They both look  at me with such love and adoration, like I am the only one who can solve their problems, their heroine. And THAT makes all of the other seemingly negative issues seem, well just small. My son costantly asks what he can do to help out them, he's a great student, an a amazing human being with the kindest heart. After being an only child for 7 years, he immediately adjusted to the transition of being the only child, to bring the oldest of 3 instantaneously. So, I think that I am doing a not to shabby job😊So when you feel like you're wearing ten different hats every day, and you feel like you're doing everything wrong, remember that there's absolutely NOONE that can do what you do better than you. Sending all of you beautiful mamas out their so much love, and I'll check YOU later:)


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